Collateral Damage

Anna

13 years ago…

I sat on my bed reading my English Lit assignment. I couldn’t concentrate though. I kept thinking about Robert. He was so cute, and I was the one he wanted. Even though I was the poor girl on the wrong side of the tracks, he still wanted me. 

A tap on the window had me jumping out of my bed. Throwing the thin curtain aside, I smiled when I saw his beautiful face outside my window. He motioned for me to come outside. I held up my finger, telling him to hold on one minute. The windows in the trailer didn’t open, so if I was going to get out, I had to slip out the front door. My bedroom was on the opposite side of the trailer as my mom’s, but if she was in the living room, I wouldn’t be able to sneak out. 

I slowly crept down the hall until I could see into the living room. She was sitting in her recliner, beer in hand as she watched TV. Shit. I walked in as if I was just going to get water. “Hey, Mama.”

She didn’t answer. I stepped closer and noticed that her eyes were barely open. Then I saw all the cans on the floor beside her. She was passed out. Just to be sure, I snapped my fingers in front of her face twice. She didn’t move. I ran back to my room and grabbed my canvas shoes and slipped them on, grabbing my jacket on my way back. I slowly pulled the door open and closed it as quietly as possible behind me. I ran down the metal steps, just touching the bottom step when Robert slipped his hand in mine and started running with me across the yard. We were soon out of reach of the outside light, and far enough that no one would see us.

We started laughing as we looked back and realized that we made it. Robert pulled his arms around me and pulled me in for a kiss, his hand coming up to cup my face. Then he was smiling and taking my hand in his as he raced further into the night. We were out in the middle of the neighbor’s backyard. We were far from the house where nobody would see us. All you could see were the stars filling the sky above us. It was beautiful.

He pulled me down to lay beside him in the grass and we stared up at the sky. “It’ll be nice when I’m eighteen and you don’t have to sneak me out anymore,” I laughed.

“It’ll be nice when we can get away from this town.”

“Where will we go?” I asked.

He linked our hands together and stared up at the sky. “Chicago.”

I laughed at the absurdity of it. “How would we afford to live in Chicago?”

“We’ll go to school there. We both have the grades to get into a good school, maybe even get a full ride.”

“But I can’t afford all the other stuff,” I pointed out. “A full ride will only get you so far.”

“Then I’ll get a job and cover it for you.”

“Or,” I said with a laugh. “I could get a job while you go to school. Maybe I could just go part time and work my way through school. I don’t have to do it all at once.”

He rolled over and looked at me. “We could get an apartment. Maybe not right away, but we could figure something out. It won’t be fancy, but after I get my degree, I’ll get a good job and I’ll work my ass off to give you anything you want.”

I pressed my hand to his face. “Don’t you know that all I want is you? Come on, I live in a trailer with a drunk for a mom. I don’t need fancy. I need someone that just wants me.”

“I just want you,” he whispered. “I would do anything for you.”

I huffed out a laugh. “Until your parents find out that you’ve been sneaking out to see me in the middle of the night.”

“My parents love you. We could probably even convince them to let you come stay with us.”

“I’m not going to ask your parents to let me live with them.”

“They know what your mom’s like. Trust me, they would agree in a heartbeat.”

“That’s sweet, but I can’t leave my mom. Who would look after her?”

“Who’s looking after you?” he asked softly. “You’re not supposed to be the one taking care of your mom. It’s supposed to be the other way around.”

A lump formed in my throat at his words. There were so many days that I just wished that someone would take care of me. I was tired of being the one to make sure that groceries were in the house and the bills were paid. I hated that I had to have an after school job instead of playing sports like my friends. It was my job to clean up the house, and my job to collect the numerous beer cans from around her chair every morning. I wanted to hate my mom, but alcoholism was a sickness. I had done a lot of research on it. 

After my dad died, she just stopped caring. I wasn’t enough for her. She started drinking to feel better, and it wasn’t long before drinking was the only thing that brought her comfort. The bartenders had my phone number pinned to the wall at the bar, knowing when to call me, which happened at least once a week. But two weeks ago, she stopped going to work. She just gave up. We were running out of money, but I couldn’t tell Robert that. He was already angry at my mom for the way she treated me. I couldn’t tell him that we were about to lose everything. For one night, I wanted to escape. I wanted to feel like a normal teenager. I wanted to feel loved by someone with no expectations.

I rolled toward him and rested my hand on his chest. “Robert, I want…I mean…I want to go all the way with you.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Anna, we already talked about this. We agreed we should wait.”

Tears filled my eyes at his rejection. Damnit, just once I wanted to feel loved. “Please,” I whispered tearfully. “Just tonight. I just want you. I need you.”

He slowly slid his hand through my hair and kissed me lightly. His hand shook as he slid it over my body. I was scared. We hadn’t done that much. He had touched my breasts a few times, but we never took it further. I was asking him for so much more now, and I wasn’t completely sure that I was ready, but I was desperate to feel something else.

His hand hovered over my jeans and he released a shaky breath. “Are you sure about this?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

His fingers fumbled as he tried to undo my buttons. “I’ll do it,” I said, taking over for him. I slowly pushed down my pants and my underwear, then pulled my shirt over my head. He stared at me, his eyes wide as he took everything in. I was nervous and immediately covered myself, sure that I wasn’t quite what he had imagined. He swallowed hard and quickly pulled off his pants and then his shirt. He fumbled in his wallet for a condom and quickly rolled it on.

I leaned back in the grass, resting on my elbows as he climbed on top of me. We were both shaking, neither of us knowing what to do. His cock wedged itself between my legs and I widened them, accommodating him as best I could. He let out a shaky breath and laughed. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he confessed.

“Neither do I.”

“Okay,” he said, nodding slightly. “We’ll just…take this slowly.”

“Okay.”

He leaned down and kissed me, his warm skin pressing against mine as his hands started moving over my body. I was feeling so many things, but I had no idea what was normal and what was crazy. Then I felt his cock at my entrance. 

“Are you ready?”

I nodded, unable to speak. He slowly started pushing in and I tightened in response. Tears filled my eyes with every move he made. 

“Oh, God, are you okay?” he said, completely panicked. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

“No, I want this.”

He nodded and pushed forward some more. I could tell he was holding back. His whole body was shaking hard. In one hard thrust, he ripped through me, making me cry out in pain. He stopped immediately and pressed kisses to my lips, apologizing for hurting me. Eventually, he started moving again. His thrusts were jerky and unsure, but he never stopped kissing me. I didn’t come that time. I was just glad that it was over, that I had taken that step with him. When he came just minutes later, he looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. He kissed me softly and brushed my hair back from my face.

“I love you, Anna.”

I smiled, my body still shaking. “I love you too.”