Whiskey

17 years ago…

“Ali, I have to do this. My brother joined the Blood Devils and he got into some bad shit. I have to get him out.”

“You can’t get him out, Chris. Once you join, there’s no leaving. There’s nothing you can do for Will.”

I grabbed the gun Will had given me and put it in the back of my pants. He had always told me that he was going to take me and teach me to shoot. He hadn’t had the opportunity yet and now I wished he had. I was going to need to know if I joined the Blood Devils and sold my soul. The initiation was to kill someone. I had never even fired a gun before and now I was expected to kill another person. I had already met with Slasher, the man that initiated my brother into the gang. He had informed me that if I failed, I would be killed and so would my brother. There was no going back once I walked onto their turf.

“I can’t just leave him, Ali. He’s my brother, the only family I have left.”

“I thought…you said that we were going to get married. You said you wanted to start a life with me.”

“I wanted that, but it’s not going to happen now.” My dad left us and my mom wasted away. There was no one to watch out for us. Will made sure that I didn’t starve. He did things that no one should have to do to make sure that I didn’t get taken away from him. “I won’t abandon him now. I have to do this.”

She took a step back from me, tears streaming down her face. “I can’t do this with you. I won’t be a part of that life.”

“I’m not asking you to. I’ve made my choice. It’s time for you to move on.”

“I can’t believe that you’re choosing a gang over me. We’ve been together for two years. We’ve known each other since we were kids.”

“I’m not choosing the gang. I’m choosing my brother and I always will. Ali, let’s face it. We’re seventeen years old. You’ll forget about me in a month and move on to some college kid that will bring you to parties and show you a great time. Then you’ll meet the love of your life and get married.” 

It killed me to say that. I was the love of her life. I was the one that was supposed to marry her. I was the one that was supposed to give her the world.

“This was never going to work anyway. I have nothing to offer you, Ali. I’m just the kid from the wrong side of the tracks.” I huffed out a laugh and looked away. “Your parents will be happy to be proven right.”

“This isn’t you. You’re doing this out of some kind of loyalty to your brother and I get that, but he wouldn’t want you to join that life. He only did it so that you had a chance.”

“And I won’t leave him behind.”

The tears were pouring down her face, but I couldn’t let it get to me. I had to get to my brother and try to help him out of the trouble he was in. I didn’t know how I would do that yet, but I’d do everything I could to get him out.

“Goodbye, Ali. Don’t contact me again.”

I turned and walked away, leaving her in my mom’s trailer, sobbing and crying out for me. It broke my fucking heart to do that to her, but I couldn’t see a way out. I was fucking seventeen. What could I give her?

I went to the meet up and immediately felt on edge. My brother was standing between Slasher and another member I hadn’t met yet. Will was beaten badly and looked like he could barely stand. Why weren’t they doing something for him?

“Looks like you got here just in time, Chris.” Slasher pulled out a gun and let it dangle at his side. I eyed it warily, not wanting to give him a reason to use it. I felt my own gun pressed against my back, but since I didn’t even know how to use it, it didn’t seem wise to pull it out and threaten him with it.

“In time for what?” I asked.

“To see what happens to those who betray us. Your brother has been stealing from us. He says that he needed the money to feed your sorry ass.” 

I glanced at my brother, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. I knew he had done some terrible things, but to cross the Blood Devils was a death sentence if caught. I couldn’t believe he had done that.

“If you want to join us, you have one job.” He held out the gun to me, but I just stared at it. I couldn’t kill my brother. There was no way I could ever do that. I looked at him and saw him shake his head slightly. He wouldn’t want this for me, even though he knew they would make it ten times as worse for him if I didn’t do it. They were hoping I would show him mercy and shoot him myself, and then I would be a part of their gang. But my feet wouldn’t move. I wouldn’t kill the one person that was always on my side. I couldn’t.

“Do it!” Slasher barked, but still I stood there. An evil look crossed over his face. I watched as the other man delivered blow after blow to my brother until he was a bloody mess on the ground. He was no longer moving or even opening his eyes. There was so much blood that I had to look away to keep from vomiting everywhere, but I had to stay and make sure they put that bullet in his head. I had to make sure that he wasn’t suffering anymore.

After what seemed like an interminable amount of time, they finally racked the slide on the gun and held it to his head. “This is what happens to people that cross us. You go to the cops or even think of saying anything to anyone, I’ll come after you, your sorry excuse for a mother, and that little girlfriend of yours. I’ll make sure no one will ever recognize you. You feel me?”

I nodded, unsure what else to do. The gun fired and my eyes slid closed as memories of my brother and I washed over me. He had always been there for me and I had failed the one time he needed me. I opened my eyes and stared into the dead eyes of Slasher. He jerked his head in a signal for me to leave. I didn’t want to leave my brother there, but I knew this was my only chance to leave. If I stayed, they’d put a bullet in me and my brother’s sacrifice would have been for nothing.

I turned and ran as fast as I could, determined to get away from this life and everything that reminded me of it. I briefly thought of Ali and considered taking her with me, but I was a coward. I had just watched as my brother was beaten and executed and I did nothing. I had a gun and I didn’t even try to defend him. What kind of man would I be to take Ali with me when I couldn’t even protect her? I didn’t go back to my trailer that night. I walked the streets, trying to think of how I would escape this life when I walked past a recruiting office for the USMC. I could learn to fight. I could learn to defend myself and never be vulnerable again. I sat outside on the sidewalk until the next morning when the office opened. 

“I’m Sergeant Mills. What can I do for you today, son?”

“I’m here to enlist.”

He sat down behind his desk and leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers as he assessed me. I was a tall, lanky kid. I didn’t look like much, but then, I never had regular meals either.

“What’s your name, son?”

“Chris McKay.”

“And why do you want to join?”

I ran through all the answers in my head. There were so many reasons and I didn’t know which one he wanted to hear, so I told him all of them.

“I don’t have a home. My dad left a long time ago and my mother is a waste of a human being. My brother joined the Blood Devils to try and put food on the table and take care of me. I saw him murdered last night when they caught him.” I shook my head and looked down. “I don’t have anywhere else to go, and I don’t want to end up dead like him.”

Sergeant Mills was quiet for a moment before he leaned forward and gathered some paperwork. “When do you turn eighteen?”

“Six months.”

“Do you think your mother would sign a paper letting you join?”

“Not likely. She’s always stuck in a bottle.”

He nodded, leaning back in his seat. “I’m sorry, but you can’t join until you’re eighteen. You need a guardian’s consent to join at seventeen. You’ll have to wait.”

“I can forge it. No one would ever know,” I said desperately.

“There are other things too. You’re malnourished and I’m sure you won’t meet the weight requirements, not to mention you’ll have to pass a physical, which I doubt you would. Have you graduated high school?”

I shook my head dejectedly. This was it. I wasn’t going to get in. I wouldn’t be getting away from this life. I would end up like my brother, dead on the streets before my eighteenth birthday.

“I’m sorry. You wouldn’t be accepted.”

I stood and made my way to the door, wondering if I could steal some food to eat.

“Wait,” Sergeant Mills commanded. I turned and looked at him, lost and completely alone. “I have a proposition for you. You can come home with me. My wife, Cheryl, is an excellent cook. We’ll get you healthy and you’ll study for your GED. While you stay with me, I’ll teach you everything you could ever want to know about the Marines. We’ll train every day and I’ll prepare you for boot camp. You’ll also have to pass the ASVAB, it’s the military entrance exam. I’ll help you study for it. If in six months, when you turn eighteen, you still want to join, I’ll get you signed up. If you don’t want to, you can get a job to support yourself. Until then, your job will be to get healthy and prepare for the next stage of your life. If that’s something you’re interested in, you’ll come home with me tonight. If you don’t want to, I’ll give you $20 and you can go get yourself a hot meal. What’s it going to be?”

“I’ll go home with you.” It wasn’t even a difficult decision to make. This man had just saved my life and I wouldn’t waste it. I would do everything possible to ensure that his faith in me didn’t go to waste.