Irish

Holy hotness, Batman. The man standing across the produce section was so drool-worthy that I had to wipe my mouth to be sure I wasn’t actually drooling. He was tall with thick, dark brown hair that was just long enough that I could run my fingers through it. My fingers twitched at my sides as I imagined walking up to him and pulling him toward me by his shirt and then kissing him breathless. Of course, I wasn’t actually that bold in real life. In fact, I was pretty sure I didn’t possess any of the qualities of a strong, confident woman that took what she wanted. I was more of the ‘sit back and stare at the gorgeous man’ type. Which was exactly what I was doing.

I crept closer to him, feigning interest in the fruit in front of me. I picked up a half pint of blueberries, pretending to inspect the contents. I watched as he reached into a large bin and pulled out a large watermelon. It was like it weighed nothing in his large hands. He tapped the side of it and then put it in the cart. He grabbed another five watermelons, doing the same to each. I popped the top of the blueberry container and put a few in my mouth, slowly chewing the soft fruit as I imagined smearing blueberries over his hard abs and then licking them from his body. 

He pushed his cart over to the cantaloupe and squeezed the melons as he picked them up. My nipples hardened as I imagined him squeezing my breasts. Good Lord, this man was sending my body into overdrive. When my container of blueberries was gone, I decided to get a better vantage point and I walked over to the grapes. Picking up the bag, I popped a few in my mouth and let the juices flow down my throat. Hmm. I would let his juices flow down my throat, I thought as I watched him quirking his eyebrow at the melons. 

He moved on to tomatoes and then avocados. His cart was so full that he must be shopping for some kind of get together. Nobody ate that much fresh fruits and vegetables. He squeezed the avocado in his hand and put six of them in a bag. I ate a few more grapes as I walked around the corner of the produce stand and stood in the same aisle as him. He was now holding a cucumber and testing the firmness. I chewed faster as I glanced from the cucumber in his hand and imagined that he was gripping his own cucumber. Long, thick strokes as I watched from his bed where I was spread out for him. I moaned and the lady that was walking past me turned and gave me an odd look.

“Good grapes,” I said as I popped a few in my mouth.

“You know you’re not actually supposed to eat the fruit in the store, right?”

“I’m watching the show,” I said, nodding to the man at the end of the aisle holding the cucumbers.

“Mmmm. That man is fine. I would totally wrap myself in cellophane and meet him at my door.”

Sighing, I popped another grape in my mouth and held the bag in front of her. “Grape?” She took one and we continued to watch as the man went to the ears of corn and started stripping the husks down to see the kernels. “I’d let him strip me like that. Could you imagine his fingers skimming across your skin as he tore the clothes from your body?”

Another woman stopped beside me, trying to get through with her cart. “Excuse me, but you’re blocking the- oh dear Lord. Look at that man.”

“Grape?” I asked as I handed the bag over to her. She took one and grimaced. 

“Why are we eating fruit? We need chocolate and a good bottle of wine.”

“I was using the grapes as a distraction so he wouldn’t see me ogling him.”

“Honey, we’re standing in the middle of the produce section and eating fruit as we all stare in the same direction. I’m pretty sure that if he looked over here, he would know exactly what we were doing.”

“Ooh,” the other lady said as she smacked my arm. “Look, he’s helping that little old lady get down a bag for her vegetables.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet,” I said sighing.

“I think I just got a lady boner.” The lady on my right fanned herself as she grabbed another grape.

“One of us should go say hi,” the woman on my left sighed.

“I’m married. As much as I would love to go flirt with a man like that, I’m pretty sure that would be considered cheating in my husband’s eyes,” the woman on my right replied.

“You’re right,” the other woman nodded. “I’m pretty sure my boyfriend wouldn’t be too happy either. Stupid boyfriend. If we hadn’t been together for over a year, I might be tempted to go talk to him. What about you? Do you have a boyfriend?”

“If I had a boyfriend, I wouldn’t be stalking this man around the grocery store,” I said around a grape.

The woman on my right sighed. “Well, I guess I’d better finish my grocery shopping. Good luck.”

I nodded as she walked away, refusing to take my eyes off the delicious specimen that continued around toward the meat department. The woman on my left gave a half hearted goodbye and walked away, while I tried to work up the courage to go talk to the man. I followed him over to the cooler that held the steaks and pressed a cold pack of chicken against my chest to cool myself down.

I could do it. I could walk up to him and strike up a conversation about different steaks and the juiciest cut. I had no clue which was the best cut, but it sounded like an intelligent way to start a conversation. I took my bag of grapes and made my way over to the sexy man and popped a grape in my mouth.

“Hey.” That was as far as I got before I started choking on the grape that got lodged in my throat when I sucked in a deep breath to summon the courage to talk to the man. I grabbed at my throat, trying to force the grape from my constricting passageway, but it wasn’t helping. Shit, I was going to die in the meat department. The man must have heard my strangled gasps for air because he turned suddenly and his eyes widened. I could only imagine what I looked like. I could feel my eyes widen with each passing second and I knew that I was going to pass out if I didn’t get air soon. The man didn’t waste a second as he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. Even in my state of panic, I could still appreciate the feel of his strong arms wrapped around me.

My body flew off the ground as he gave me one strong heave and the grape flew out of my mouth and shot across the floor of the grocery store. I gasped in the fresh air that I wasn’t sure I would ever breathe again and took in big swallows like I would be storing it up for later. Several claps sounded around me and I took in the people that were staring at us in awe. I turned slowly and saw my sexy savior staring at me in concern.

“Are you alright?”

Tongue tied, I couldn’t think of one logical thing to say, so instead, I popped another grape in my mouth and chewed until it was well ground up in my mouth. The man continued to stare at me like I was insane and eyed the bag of grapes. 

“Are you sure you should be doing that? You just choked on one of those. You really want to take a chance with another?”

I nodded vigorously, not wanting to open my mouth and risk word vomit that would surely leave my mouth. His eyebrow quirked at me and he crossed his arms over his chest. Finally, my brain came back online and I thrust my arm forward to shake his hand.

“Claire. I’m Claire,” I said stiffly. He eyed my hand skeptically, but took my small hand in his and gave a firm shake.

“Derek.”

“Derek,” I said breathily. “That’s such a sexy name,” I mumbled.

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, McDreamy was a Derek and he was really sexy, but you’re easily ten times more gorgeous than him. I mean, you’ve got strong arms,” I said, reaching up and gripping onto his bicep. My eyes widened as I realized I couldn’t even wrap my hand half way around his arm. “Dear Lord, that’s amazing. Are your legs like this too?”

“Umm..”

Shit, more word vomit. The man saved my life and I was rambling on about the size of his muscles in his legs. “I just meant that you have really gorgeous arms and your legs are probably just as sexy. I mean..not that men have gorgeous legs. You wouldn’t describe a man as gorgeous. Well, not you personally. I mean, men in general. Not that men describe other men. I meant that women don’t describe men as gorgeous. Usually it’s sexy or strong. Something along those lines.” 

I slapped my hand over my mouth to stop with the descriptions that were probably on the verge of sending this man running for the hills. Awkward was the only word I could use to describe this whole scene. I was beyond being able to save any dignity in this conversation.

“How about we start over,” he said with a sexy smirk. “I’m Derek and you are?”

“Claire,” I said, snapping my mouth closed before I could say anything else.

“That’s a beautiful name. It’s nice to meet you.”

I nodded, not wanting to open my big, fat mouth and ruin this further. I could tell he was losing interest fast when I refused to say anything more. I could hear the words on the tip of his tongue and then he said them.

“Well, I have some shopping to finish up. You take care, Claire, and be careful with those grapes.” 

He turned and started to walk back to his cart. I couldn’t let him go yet. This amazingly beautiful man was still in my grasp. I could still have a chance with him.

“I think you’re totally sexy,” I shouted. I shook my head. That was what came out of my mouth? I couldn’t think of anything more intelligent? But he turned back to me and I figured I might still have a chance. “I would love to get to talk to you some more. You know, like actual conversation, not me spewing crap about your arms and legs. I’m sure if we met again when I wasn’t choking to death on a grape that I was only eating to work up the courage to come talk to you, that we might get to know each other better. I mean, that’s assuming that I haven’t totally turned you off by now. Of course, after you’ve seen food fly from my mouth like that and then I hit on you and grabbed your muscles like I was going to devour them, I’m sure there’s someone slightly less neurotic that you would prefer to go out with. On the other hand, there’s something to be said for-”

His hand covered my mouth and he shook his head as he grinned down at me. “You just don’t know when to stop, do you?” I shook my head as his fingers remained on my lips. “How about this? Let’s get together for coffee sometime. We can try this again, without the choking, and see how we do.”

I nodded, wondering if he was going to hold his fingers to my mouth the whole time we were on our coffee date.

“Can I have your phone?”

I handed it over to him and shrugged when he raised his eyebrow at me. Yes, I still had a flip phone. I had never upgraded to a smart phone because I didn’t see the point. I didn’t have the interest to sit around and play on my phone the way other people did, looking up random shit on the royals or whatever. He gave a short laugh and dialed his own phone. I was relieved when I heard it ringing, glad that he hadn’t just pretended to put in his number.

“Are you free on Friday?” he asked.

“Um, well I have an appointment with my gynecologist in the afternoon.” Oh, shit. Why did I say that? Now he’s going to think I have herpes or chlamydia. “It’s not for anything bad,” I said quickly. “It’s just a routine exam. You know, pap and regular check. Make sure everything works the way it’s supposed to. I mean, I already know it does. You don’t have to worry about that. Not that I’m suggesting that you sleep with me. I never sleep with someone on the first date. I’m not a whore. But it’s not like I find you gross either. I’m not saying I won’t sleep with you, just not right away. Then again, I guess you could be a totally terrible date and we won’t get past coffee, so maybe we won’t sleep together.”

“Claire!” he practically shouted at me. I stopped talking immediately and turned bright red when I realized I had been rambling on about gynecologists and sex and we hadn’t even been on one date. He was going to walk away. There was no way he would agree to meet me for coffee now. “How about we leave something to discuss over coffee? If we cover all this now, what will we talk about on Friday?”

My eyes grew big when my brain processed what he said. He still wanted to meet me. Holy shit. No man ever wanted to meet up with me after getting to know me. I nodded and started backing away. “Right. I’ll just be going now. See you Friday.”

I turned and started walking away, but he called me again. I spun around and watched him shake his head at me. “You didn’t give me a chance to tell you where we were going to meet up.”

“Just text me,” I replied as I continued to walk backwards. I didn’t want to take a chance that I would ruin this. 

“Claire,” he said and I watched his eyes widen.

I spun around, trying to get away from him before I was tempted to go back and lick his body. I mean, I had already talked about sex with him, why not take it a step further? Of course, had I been paying attention to where I was going instead of thinking about licking his body, I might have seen the giant display before I walked right into it and fell into a large pile of Little Debbie snack cakes. There had to be at least seventy-five boxes scattered around me on the floor. People were staring and I peeked over at Derek, who was shaking his head and laughing. Why couldn’t I just behave like a normal person around a man? I quickly got up and grabbed my purse, walking toward the exit as quickly as I could. There was no way in hell I was sticking around to get my groceries when I had just embarrassed the hell out of myself. 

“You’re such an idiot,” I berated myself as I stormed out of the grocery store. “You couldn’t just say, ‘Hi. I’m Claire. Would you like to get together for coffee sometime?’ No, you had to go in there and completely embarrass yourself in front of the hottest guy you’ve ever met and the rest of the people in the store. You really need to get out more, Claire.”

The sound of a horn honking had me looking up to see a car barreling out of control down the road. I stood frozen, unsure of what way to go. Go left and the car will swerve left and hit you. I could go right, but he’s already going right. You’ll go right in the path of the car. There’s no way out of this. I might as well just lay down and let the car hit me!

Something hard hit me and I barely saw the car swerve out of the way before my skull cracked against the pavement, sending blinding pain through my entire body. My eyes fluttered a few times before I was finally able to open them enough to see a man’s face with sunglasses covering his eyes. I wanted to know who had saved my life, but all I could think was that whoever it was had gotten to me really fast. Super fast. No person on the face of the earth could move the way he did. 

“It’s Superman,” I said right before I passed out.

✯✯✯✯✯

I wanted to see the eyes behind those glasses. I kept closing my eyes, hoping to get a few more details of his face, but I had been seeing spots after I hit my head and I couldn’t remember the details. How was I ever going to find the man that had saved my life and thank him for what he had done for me?

“Claire, I’m telling you, there’s no such thing as superheroes.”

My sister, Lucy, was sitting by my hospital bed trying to convince me that I had completely lost my mind. “I’m telling you, there is no way that anyone could have gotten to me that fast. You know how time seems to stand still and you take in everything around you?” 

“No.”

“Well, it happened, and I’m telling you that no one was close enough to me to save me. He was Superman.”

“Is this like the movie American Dreamer?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know, she wakes up in the hospital after hitting her head and thinks that she’s a character in a book. Is that what’s going on here? Do you think you’re Lois Lane or something?”

“I know I’m not Lois Lane, and no, I don’t think I’m a character in a book. I just know what happened, and I’m telling you that it was Superman.”

“I think I need to call the doctor back in and have him run some more tests. There’s no such thing as a man with super powers. If there was, I would have multiple orgasms every night.”

“I’m telling you, he was real!”

“I know he was real, Claire. The doctor told me that someone shoved you out of the way, but you’re imagining the rest. There is no such thing as a superhero.”

“There is too,” I grumbled. “And I’m going to find him and thank him for saving my life.”

It was obvious that she didn’t believe me, so I wasn’t going to push it. I didn’t need her thinking I was crazy. But I knew what I saw and there was no way that man was close enough to shove me out of the way. I just had to find him and prove it.

She sighed and plopped down in the chair. “When are they going to get here with the paperwork? I want to get home.”

“The nurse said she would be back any minute.”

The door opened and the nurse walked in looking completely frazzled. “I’m so sorry it took so long to get back here,” the nurse said.

“You can stuff your sorries in a sack, lady,” my sister said. The nurse turned to her with a look of shock. “I was just joking,” she said quickly. “Haven’t you ever watched Seinfeld?”

“Who?”

My sister rolled her eyes, obviously irritated that the nurse didn’t know what she was talking about. It was a great TV show after all. Who doesn’t quote it?

“Am I ready to be discharged?” I asked.

“Right,” the nurse said as she walked over to me with paperwork. “You have a concussion, so take it easy and make sure you get plenty of rest. Headaches, dizziness, and nausea are all common symptoms after a head injury, so try to avoid doing anything that could make that worse. Your symptoms could last for several weeks, so take the time you need to recover. You need someone to stay with you for twenty-four hours to keep an eye on you. Will your sister be staying with you?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Well, here are your discharge papers,” she said hurriedly. “Someone will be by in a few minutes to take you down.”

“I’m ready now. We’ll just head down on our own.”

“Hospital policy-”

“Look, I can tell you’re very busy and I don’t want to be a nuisance, but I’m ready to get out of here. I have my sister and I promise she’ll hold my hand the whole way down.” 

With that, I stood up on shaky legs and walked to the door with the nurse staring at me like I had lost my mind. Lucy and I were out the door and by the entrance doors before she came rushing after us. Luckily, she wasn’t actually trying that hard to catch up to us. We slowed once we got outside, which was good because my head was pounding and that dizziness she was talking about was kicking in.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Daddy, I’m fine. I promise. It’s just a little bump on the head. I hardly feel a thing,” I lied. My dad still thought I was a little girl at times. He wasn’t all there any more and it was easier to let him think that I was still his little girl than correct him and see him suffer through the confusion.

“Claire bear, I don’t understand how you hit your head riding your bike. Didn’t you have your helmet on?”

“I didn’t tighten it all the way. It fell off when I fell off the bike.”

He shook his head at me and walked over to the fridge. “I’ll make some dinner. Why don’t you sit down?”

“Daddy, I can make dinner.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m your father. It’s my job to take care of you, not the other way around. Just because your mother isn’t alive anymore doesn’t mean that you don’t have a capable parent.”

“I know. I think I’m in the mood for pizza. Can you put in a frozen pizza for me?”

“Anything for you, Claire bear.”

I had a lot of frozen pizza. Daddy had Alzheimer’s and didn’t remember a lot at night, so he still thought that he had to take care of me. He wasn’t a very good cook, and frankly, I didn’t trust him at the stove. I could keep an eye on the pizza fairly easily without letting him know that I was watching over his shoulder. It was getting to the point where I wasn’t sure how much longer Lucy and I would be able to look after him. He had started getting worse earlier in the day and we weren’t always around to keep an eye on him. One day I found him outside trying to fix the roof of the shed. His balance wasn’t that good anymore, but in his head, he was back fifteen years ago when he was younger and more capable. 

I didn’t want to put him in a home. It was my job to take care of him and make sure that he still felt loved. Lucy agreed to a point, but she was also the more pragmatic of the two of us. She had already started calling around to different nursing homes to find a spot for him. She knew that we wouldn’t be able to keep this up too much longer. I just didn’t want to admit that we wouldn’t be able to take care of him soon.

“I made a call today to old man Wilson. He’s selling his horses and I was thinking we could buy one off him. You and Lucy would have to share, of course.”

“Daddy, that sounds great. You know Lucy and I have always wanted a horse.”

“Well, things will be tight around here, but I think we can swing it.”

I smiled at him lovingly. This had all happened twelve years ago. We never ended up getting the horse because we’d had other expenses come up. Lucy and I took it well, knowing that if Daddy had been able to get us that horse, he would have. Still, this was one of those times that I didn’t mind when he slipped back in time. I loved seeing his eyes light up at the mention of getting those horses for us. He loved us so much and would do anything to make us happy. That was exactly how I felt about him and I’d do anything to keep him here as long as possible.

After dinner, I hopped on my computer and started researching people that had displayed extraordinary abilities. There was a man from Malaysia that could stick metal objects to his body like a magnet. He could also pull a car with his abilities. Interesting, but not quite what I thought my mystery man could do.

There was an 89 year old grand master of Kung Fu, Tai Chi, and Qigong that could generate heat through his palms. I wondered exactly how that was done, but it definitely sounded like a superpower to me. He was also able to stand on a thin sheet of paper without falling through. That sounded more like flying to me. Definitely a Superman quality. I would have to do more research on him.

Michel Lotito was a French entertainer who could eat everything. He even ate an entire Cessna 150 airplane. While that didn’t seem like a superhuman quality, but more of an anomaly, I didn’t want to rule it out. 

Scanning the internet for other strange incidents, I came across a runner that could run continuously for more than three days and nights without stopping and without sleeping. Hmm. That also seemed a bit like Superman to me. I continued to write out a list, sure that one of them would lead me to what I was looking for. After two hours, my head was throbbing and I had seen more crazy things than I thought possible. 

“This is crazy,” I said, slamming my laptop shut. I crumpled up the piece of paper I had been writing on and threw it in the trash. “Superheroes aren’t real. Whatever happened was some kind of weird fluke and now you’re letting your imagination run away with you. Just stop!”

I got up and quickly showered, the whole time thinking about all the things that I had read online. Shaking my head, I got out of the shower and dried off quickly, getting in my pajamas and climbing under the covers.

“There’s no such thing as a superhero,” I muttered before I rolled over and went to sleep.