Cazzo

The most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on was going to be the death of me. I felt like I couldn’t concentrate when she was around. Since I was on her protection detail, that was pretty much all the time. For some reason, she wanted me protecting her. Every time I tried to pawn her off on Sinner, she put up a fight and insisted that I be the one to be her close protection. It was a killer for me because I wanted her so badly. Any day now, I was going to snap and just take her.

Now she was walking toward me with those beautiful eyes roaming over my body. I could feel the heat of her stare from down the hall. This was the way it was every time she looked at me. I had no idea why it was me she wanted, but I swore that if I ever got the chance to be with her when I wasn’t on the job, I wouldn’t blow it.

“Sam,” she said as she walked up to me, her eyelashes fluttering slightly. I could see her pulse beating wildly against her neck. Her breasts were heaving slightly and the tip of her tongue darted out of her mouth just enough to wet those gorgeous lips. “Promise me you’ll give me one dance tonight.”

I swallowed hard and tried to come across as not giving a damn, but I was too mesmerized by those beautiful doe eyes. “One dance,” I croaked out.

Her soft smile broke all the control I had. I couldn’t hold out until I wasn’t protecting her. I had to have just one taste. Wrapping my hand around the back of her head, I pulled her to me and crushed my lips against hers. She pulled at the back of my shirt as she tried to pull me closer, though we were already chest to chest. 

When I ran my hand down her back, she rocked against me, making me instantly hard. I slid my hand lower until I gripped her ass, feeling the way she fit so perfectly in my large hands. I slammed her back into the wall and possessed her mouth. If I was only going to have her for this moment, I was going to memorize every inch of her mouth, the feel of her body against mine, and the perfect taste of her lips.

The clearing of a throat had me tearing myself away from her. Our chests were heaving in sync as we stood back from each other and stared each other down. Her lips were swollen from my kisses and her skin was red where my beard had scratched her. That kiss was all I got. I wouldn’t take anything else from her until I was sure that I could make her mine. And I would make her mine.

What the hell was going on? It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. My arms wouldn’t move and my eyes felt like they were glued shut. I tried to swallow, but something was choking me. My heart skyrocketed as I realized that I couldn’t breathe. I gasped and fought for air, but nothing was helping. I vaguely heard what sounded like a woman’s voice, but it was distant and muffled. I was finally able to pry my eyelids open to a blinding light. Squinting, I was able to make out a figure standing above me, saying something. I could see her mouth moving, but nothing made sense. 

A noise off to my right drew my attention and my eyes slid to the side to see a machine with shit blinking like crazy. Panicking, I was panicking. I had to calm the fuck down or I wouldn’t be able to figure out what was happening to me. Something landed in my left hand and I swung my gaze over to a face I would recognize anywhere. 

Cap was standing next to me and yelling something at me. Knowing he was here, I stopped struggling for breath and that’s when I noticed that I had something in my throat. Glancing around the room, I realized that I was in the hospital. The woman in front of me was a nurse and I was in a hospital bed. 

The more I calmed down, the more my hearing returned and I could make out that the nurse was telling me to calm down and let the breathing tube do the work for me. She was going to get the doctor. My gaze flicked back to Cap’s and he squeezed my hand.

“Can you hear me?” I nodded slightly and he nodded back. “You’re in the hospital. Do you remember what happened?”

I tried to sort through my memories, but everything was too fuzzy right now. I couldn’t remember shit. What was the last thing I did? Vanessa. I had her pushed up against the wall and I was kissing her like it was my dying breath. Something about her made me need her, want her and I had no idea why. I barely knew her, but I could still taste her. How was that possible? How could I still feel her skin beneath my fingers and still taste her on my tongue? 

I looked around the room and was a little disappointed that she wasn’t here. I didn’t know why she would be. I didn’t even know what was going on. She was the woman I was protecting, not my girlfriend, so it only made sense that she would be somewhere else. Unless..

My gaze shot back to Cap’s and I felt my pulse ratchet up again. If I was here, where was she. I needed to find out. I grasped Cap’s hand and squeezed, getting his full attention. I lifted my hand and motioned to write. He looked around the room and quickly found a pad of paper and a pen. When I went to lift my hand, I noticed that it was shaking. I flexed my hand a few times and then took the pen, writing:

Vanessa?

Cap sighed and ran a hand over his face. “She’s okay. Her dad sent his guards to come get her.”

But that didn’t explain what happened. I drew a question mark on the paper, but before he had a chance to respond, a doctor entered the room with a smile on his face. Like that made me feel better. I was lying in a fucking hospital bed and he was smiling at me. 

“Mr. Galmacci, I’m glad to see you awake. How about we take out that tube?” He stepped over with the nurse and snapped on some gloves. “Okay, I want you to exhale as I pull out the tube.”

It was like having sandpaper run across my throat, but I was relieved when it was out. Cap had a cup with a straw for me to take a sip of water. I cleared my throat and instantly regretted it.

“Just take it easy, Mr. Galmacci. Your throat is going to be sore for a little while. You’re a very lucky man. We were able to repair the damage to your intestines and your spleen. Luckily, the bullet just knicked your spleen. Technically, you can live without a spleen, but you’re more prone to infection. All in all, you should heal just fine. Now, let’s go ahead and take a look at your wound and see how you’re doing.”

Cap stepped to the corner of the room while the doctor pulled back the covers and lifted my hospital gown. “Alright, you’ll feel a little tender, but the painkillers should help with that.”

I could see his hand touching close to the bottom of the incision, but I couldn’t feel it. That was odd, right? In fact, now that I really assessed my body, I didn’t feel much of anything. Maybe it was the painkillers.

“Are these some really fucking strong painkillers?”

The doctor laughed and nodded. “Yes, they are. Not feeling much, are we?”

“Not feeling anything,” I said, slurring slightly. What the hell was that about?

“The nurse just gave you another dose, but you should still be feeling something. Can you feel this?”

I watched as his hand poked at my hip and down my leg, but there was no feeling to match it. It was the most terrifying thing to see something touch you, but not even feel the slightest sensation from it. I swallowed hard and shook my head, which was starting to feel a little fuzzy.

“How about this?”

He trailed the tip of his pen down my leg, but I still didn’t feel anything. My eyes slid shut again, but I fought the medication, needing to know what was happening. Again, I shook my head.

“Nurse, let’s get some x-rays scheduled for the morning. It could just be the after effects of surgery, so let’s see how he’s doing in the morning.”

My eyes closed again and I could hear Cap talking to the doctor about my legs, but it was all fuzzy and jumbled. Fuck it. I didn’t really want to be awake for it anyway.

When I woke up again, the room was dark, but I could make out Cap’s figure in the corner of the room. He was working on his laptop and the tapping of the keys was irritating as hell.

“Hey,” I croaked. Cap immediately stood and was by my side the next instant.

“How’s it going, big guy?”

Nobody said ‘big guy’ unless there was something seriously fucking wrong.

“Big guy? What? Am I fucking crippled?” Cap’s face was pure steel, but I saw him wince ever so slightly. Fuck, that wasn’t good. “You’re fucking with me, right? This is because something went wrong on my watch.”

“Let’s just wait and see what the doctors say in the morning.”

He walked back over to the chair and sat down, resuming his work on the computer and irritating the shit out of me. I started to doze again, but every time I was just about to nod off, the sound of his fingers on the keys brought me out of my sleep.

“Cap,” I barked. He was back by me with a look of concern that made me want to punch him in the face. I was nobody’s charity case. “Get the fuck out of my room.”

“Cazzo, I know this is tough, but this isn’t the time to push people away. I don’t care how much you don’t want me to see you like this, you’re part of my family and there’s no way you’re going through this alone.”

“That’s really beautiful. Remind me to have you write my eulogy.”

“That shit’s not funny.”

“Yeah, well neither is you working on your computer when I’m trying to sleep. You’re irritating the fuck out of me. I don’t need a babysitter, that’s what the nurses are for. So, do me a favor and leave so I can sleep.”

“You’re such an asshole, Cazzo.”

“I am, but you love me anyway. I’m part of your family,” I laughed as he walked out the door. When the door slid shut, I was surrounded by darkness and quiet. I tried to remember what the hell had happened, but every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was Vanessa pushed up against that wall. Why the hell couldn’t I remember? 

I was starting to feel the pain from surgery and my back was starting to ache, which meant it was probably time for another dose of medicine before it started to hurt like a bitch. I buzzed the nurse and she came back in, doping me up so that I didn’t feel anything anymore.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Mr. Galmacci, it’s most likely that the swelling in your back is causing the paralysis. Once your wounds have healed a little and the swelling goes down, you should start to regain the feeling in your legs.”

“Should?”

“Unfortunately, there’s not a cut and dry answer here. We have to wait for your body to heal more before we can give you anything more definitive. For the next few days, you need to take it easy and let your incisions heal. If you try to push it, they’ll just reopen and it’ll take longer to get back on your feet.”

“If I can use my feet, you mean.”

The doctor ducked his head and made some notes in his charts to hide his bad choice of words. I was tempted to take a pen and stab my leg just to see if I could feel it, but what would that solve? Another wound to slow me down. 

“When can I get some food?”

“I’m surprised that you want to eat. With your type of wounds, eating should be the last thing on your mind.”

I grunted and ignored his stupid ass answer. If I was hungry, what the hell did it matter if that was normal. I just wanted some fucking food.

“I’m afraid you won’t be able to eat solid food for at least a few more days. We’ll keep you on liquids until your intestines heal and then only soft foods. Anything else would risk re-injury.”

“Fucking perfect,” I mumbled.

“Until then, just rest and let your body do what it needs to do.”

That sounded like a whole lot of nothing and I was going to get bored as hell sitting around a damn hospital. I fucking hated hospitals, especially when I was the one in them. I always felt bad for the poor schmuck that ended up in here after a mission went bad, but I had been lucky enough to only land in here for minor injuries that would have me discharged in a day. What the hell was I supposed to do here for the next few days? What the hell was I going to do if I couldn’t feel my legs in the next few days? 

I was in and out most of the morning until Sinner stopped by to bug the hell out of me. He was the one to inform me that Vanessa was no longer under his protection, which meant that she was safe somewhere else. I was grateful for that at least. I could at least sleep knowing that I hadn’t gotten her killed, but I still didn’t know the details of what happened. The guys from Reed Security were coming and going most of the day and I tried to stay awake and talk to them while I could, but the drugs were strong and kept making me doze off. Every time I opened my eyes, someone new was in the room. I was really fucking pissed when I woke up to see Cap in the corner of the fucking room again, clacking away on his computer. I didn’t need a fucking babysitter.

“Cap, what the hell are you doing here again?”

He closed his computer and put it in his case. “I came to see your pretty face, obviously.”

“I don’t need you to sit here while I sleep. Go home and see Maggie or go to work.”

“Maggie isn’t exactly on speaking terms with me right now and I can do my work from here.”

“You’ve got to have something better to do than sit in this fucking ugly ass room with me.”

“Would you quit busting my balls? You almost died and that’s on me,” he said loudly.

“No, it’s not, Cap. I don’t remember what the hell happened out there, but I do know that I work for you voluntarily and I know the risks involved. So quit with the fucking pity party and go do something other than stare at me while I sleep.”

Cap sat back in the chair and ran his finger over his top lip repeatedly. He obviously had shit on his mind, but I couldn’t make him tell me what it was. We sat in silence for the better part of a half hour until he finally spoke. 

“I didn’t have all the information. Adams was holding back on us and I didn’t dig further. You’re in that bed because I didn’t vet him properly. I knew something was wrong with the whole thing and I did nothing.”

“Cap, I still don’t know what happened, so why don’t you clue me in.”

“Victor Adams wanted protection for Vanessa because someone was after her. We still don’t know who or why, but whoever it was came after her at the charity event. You saw the shooter and took the bullet for her.”

It didn’t ring any bells with me no matter how hard I thought about what he said, but it was obvious that this was really gnawing at Cap. “That could have happened with any protection detail. You know that.”

He nodded and hung his head. “I know that, but it doesn’t make it any easier.”

Nothing I said would make this better for Cap. He had to get past it on his own. I could tell him it wasn’t his fault until I was blue in the face, but it wouldn’t make a difference.

“So, what are the chances you could spring me early from here? I’m going out of my fucking mind.”

“You just keep your ass in that bed until they tell you you’re good to go.”

“At least get me some decent food. I could really go for a steak right now.”

He shook his head. “You heard the doc, no solids for a few days.”

“You really suck, you know that?”

“I’ve been told. I’ll get out of here and let you get some sleep.”

“It’ll be nice to not wake up to your ugly face.”

“Whatever, asshole. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Gee, I can’t wait.”

After Cap left, I moved my hand down to my leg, trying to see if there was anywhere I could feel something, but there was nothing. I did have a bit more feeling below my incision, but it wasn’t enough to give me hope that I was going to get all feeling back. I really didn’t want to be pissing into a bag the rest of my life, so I was going to have to do some research and find out what the hell I needed to do to get things moving. 

✯✯✯✯✯

“Can you feel that?” the doctor asked as he trailed the pen down my leg.

I nodded and sighed in relief. “I can’t feel it all, but there’s definitely some feeling there. It’s kind of like tingling and I can feel it throughout my legs. Is that weird?”

“No, because of the swelling, it’s just taking longer for you to gain back all the feeling and it may take some time. Normally, after your surgery, we would have you up and walking around by now, but the way things are, we recommend that you go to a rehab facility. I have some pamphlets here on different options. The longer that you aren’t moving around, the more your muscles will atrophy. You need someone to come in daily and work with you so that when you regain feeling you’re able to learn to walk again.

“What? What the hell do you mean ‘learn to walk again’?”

“Sorry, it’s not so much that you need to learn, but in cases like this, you’ll need to basically train your body to walk again. It’s not that your brain doesn’t remember how to do it, but you won’t regain all feeling over night and your muscles will continue to deteriorate. When you do regain feeling, you’re going to have to work hard to make your body move the way you need to.”

I was stunned. I literally had no fucking clue what to say. When I started to feel the tingling, I thought for sure that it wouldn’t be long before I was out of this fucking bed and walking around again. Now he was telling me it wouldn’t happen that way.

“What are the chances that he’ll regain feeling faster than you’re saying?” Cap asked. I had forgotten that he was in the room the moment the doc started talking about learning to walk again.

“It’s not that it’s impossible, but there’s nothing we can do to make you regain feeling faster. The rehab facility can try various techniques to stimulate your body, but it’s not a guarantee. There’s a specialist that I’m going to refer you to that can better explain all of this and what you need to do from here.”

I laid my head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. The doctor and Cap continued to talk while I laid there in my useless body and wondered what the hell I was going to do. If I couldn’t walk again, I was basically out of a job. I couldn’t protect people from a wheelchair. That would leave working behind a desk at Reed Security, watching all my teammates going out on jobs and shooting me pitying looks when I was stuck behind.

“Cazzo, hey.” Cap was standing next to the bed and staring at me. “I’ll get the names of the rehab facilities and start getting things set up for-”

“No,” I shook my head. “No fucking way am I staying at a rehab facility. I’ll go crazy.”

“Okay, then I’ll set it up for someone to come to you. We can have a nurse stay with you to help out and have someone go to your house for rehab until you’re moving around more.”

“Until I’m moving around more? I can’t fucking feel hardly anything. I’m going to be stuck in a fucking wheelchair. He just said he can’t do anything to make me walk again.”

“No he didn’t, you fucking idiot. He said that he can’t make you heal faster. He said it will take time for you to regain the feeling, but he didn’t say anything about you being permanently stuck in a fucking wheelchair,” Cap yelled. “Get your head on straight and keep your eye on the endgame. You need someone to come work with you so that you can get where you need to be. Stop throwing yourself a fucking pity party and let’s work this shit out.”

I blew out a breath and nodded. I was freaking out, but Cap was right. I needed to focus on what I needed to do to get better. 

“That’s better,” Cap said gruffly. “Now, I’ll head over to your house and see what needs to be done so you can get home. We’ll do whatever we have to do so that you don’t have to go to a rehab facility.”

He headed for the door, but I stopped him. “Cap, you’re going to need a few codes and some other shit to get on the property.”

“Fine, write it down.”

I shook my head. “No, you’re going to need to get Becky over here to get into my system. I have some..different security measures in place.”

“You’re such a paranoid bastard, Cazzo.”

“Yeah, well that paranoia has kept me alive. Besides, I like my privacy.”

“I’ll get Becky over here and I’ll talk with the doctor about when you can be released.”