Ryan

You can do this. That’s what I kept telling myself. My palms were clammy. My knees were shaking. I could feel the sweat trickling down my back. I was pretty sure I looked like I was going to pass out and right about now, it was a very real possibility that I would. 

You can do this.

I just kept repeating it, hoping it would sink in. Why I thought this was a good idea, I’ll never know. I just wanted to help her. I didn’t want her to feel like she was alone anymore. This may not have been the best way to accomplish that, but it was too late now. Our last minute decision to tie the knot didn’t seem so great anymore.

I turned at the sound of the wedding march to see Cassandra walking down the aisle that was decorated with cheap crepe paper. Her ten year old son, James was walking her toward me with a scowl on his face. I had yet to win the kid over, but then we just met for the first time less than twenty-four hours ago. Cassandra didn’t want to run off and get married without him. I couldn’t blame her. I was going to be his step-father. 

Shit. I’m going to be someone’s father. This is such a bad idea. Why did I think I could do this?

But as the beautiful woman I had been chasing for close to a year and half walked toward me, I just didn’t have it in me to tell her I’d been wrong. We’d never been on an actual date or even kissed. She’d always held me at arm’s length and I found out why when I showed up on her doorstep one day ago.

She had a huge smile on her face and I just couldn’t be the bastard that walked away at the altar. Her kid was here. There was no way I could humiliate her like that. It had been my idea after all. I took a deep breath and sucked it up. I forced a smile onto my face which only made the kid scowl harder. I was so fucked.

I focused on her walking toward me. Her brown, wavy hair hung in loose tendrils over her shoulder and her deep blue eyes stood out because of the dark blue dress I’d bought for her when we arrived. It was her wedding after all, and I wanted her to at least wear something nice.

As she stood next to me, I tried to imagine how this would all turn out okay. She would move in with me and I’d have a woman to take care of me. She’d cook for me and do the laundry. She’d warm my bed and I’d never have to date again. This would all be okay.

I turned to the minister who looked like Elvis and rolled my eyes for having found the most cliche place to get married in Vegas. I should have given her more. I should have at least put in a little effort, but she didn’t seem to care.

Elvis finished singing Fools Rush In, and I couldn’t help laugh at the irony of it all. He went through the motions of giving hip thrusts and added in another song before we finally got to the vows. Cassandra didn’t hesitate when she answered and actually looked happy. I felt like I was going to puke. I swallowed down the nausea that was churning and did my best to appear as if this wasn’t the single most terrifying moment of my life. 

I wasn’t really sure what happened after that. Honestly, I was too busy trying not to pass out, so I hadn’t been listening. Cassandra went from happy to uneasy in a matter of moments and that’s when I realized that I was supposed to be doing something. I looked to the Elvis impersonator with a raised eyebrow.

“Huh?” Quite intelligent, if I do say so myself.

“You may kiss the bride,” he repeated.

“Oh, yeah.” I turned back to Cassandra and leaned in, but just as I went to kiss her, I saw her son glare at me. I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and patted her shoulder. “Congratulations,” I told her with a pained smile.

Confusion lit her face and her eyes bored into me, no doubt trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Not knowing what else to do, I grabbed her hand and dragged her down the aisle.

“Come on, John. Let’s head back to the hotel and get some shut eye.”

“His name is James,” Cassandra hissed. 

“Right. I knew that.” I continued to pull Cassandra behind me, but when we reached the door, she pulled her hand from mine and turned back to get her son, who was sitting in a chair looking pissed. I ran my hand through my hair as she tried to get the little fucker to come with us. What the fuck had I done?

She finally convinced him to come with us and we quickly piled into the rented car and headed for the hotel. When we got up to the suite I had gotten for us, I turned to James to make peace.

“There’s a minibar in your room. I’m sure you’ll find all the candy you want, but go easy on the liquor. It’s expensive.”

“Ryan!” Cassandra gasped next to me.

“What?” I turned back to James. 

“I’m ten,” James sneered.

“Well, then stick to beer.”

“Ryan. He can’t drink alcohol. He’s not old enough.”

“He’s ten. I was drinking beer with my old man when I was eight.”

Cassandra gave me a look of shock before turning and taking the kid into the other room. Finally, I was alone and could think over what had just happened. I looked down at my hand and saw the ring firmly in place on my ring finger. I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. I couldn’t believe I had been so stupid. It must have been all of my friends that were shacking up with their women. They were a bad influence and made me think that I could do this too. I couldn’t, though. I didn’t know the first thing about being a husband or father. The closest I ever came was with my ex-girlfriend and I knew that wasn’t ever turning into marriage, so I never really worried about it.

I wasn’t opposed to marriage. In fact, if I found the right woman, I would be all over it. But what I had done tonight was colossally stupid. We hadn’t really discussed anything beyond the fact that she was worried about her son’s father coming back and trying to get custody. The worry on her face was too much and so I proposed this crazy idea of us getting married so that she would feel more secure. I think she was so relieved to finally have someone offer to help that she jumped at the opportunity. She would find out really fast how horrible my idea had been.

Cassandra came out a few minutes later with a scowl on her face. “I know that you’re new to the whole parenting thing, but you do not offer my child alcohol at the age of ten.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. This is all a lot to take in.”

“You were the one that suggested we get married. If you changed your mind, why didn’t you say so?”

“I didn’t,” I lied. “It’s just that I’m becoming a husband and father in one day and I just met the kid one day ago.”

“James. His name is James, not ‘the kid’.”

“Look, I’m sorry. I know I’m fucking this up. How about we just go to sleep and talk about all this shit in the morning.”

“Fine. I can sleep in James’s room.”

What? “Um, why would you sleep in his room? Our room has a king size bed,” I said, as I stared at her in confusion.

She sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Ryan, we should have talked about the details before we did this. I thought this was all a marriage of convenience. I didn’t think..”

“What?” She looked uncomfortable and it finally clicked. “You didn’t think we would sleep together.”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I thought that was all clear. If you decide you don’t want this, we can get this annulled.”

“No. I told you that I would help you and I will. It’s fine.” It was so not fine. How had I gotten myself into this and why was I agreeing to staying married if she wasn’t even putting out? I walked into my bedroom and shut the door. I had no clue what was going to happen in the morning. Maybe I would wake up and this would all be some bad dream.