Drawing Dead

Chapter 1:

I stared at Antonio across the community center, drinking with his girlfriend Ciara. He had a slight grin on his face, laughing at something she said. And all around him sat the rest of the Cortell brothers, including Antonio’s sister, Carly. I clenched my jaw as I watched them all laughing and having a good time. It wasn’t right that they should be so happy when I was so miserable. What right did a bunch of criminals have to happiness when I had done everything right and lost? 

A hand clamped down on my shoulder just as I was taking a drink of my whiskey.

“Are you doing okay?”

I bristled at Carter’s annoying interference. Since the day I lost Natalie, he had been there watching my every move. When I left to go stay with my parents, he had taken over for me, watched over my position and constantly kept me updated on what was going on around town. He even gladly stepped aside when I came back. It was annoying as fuck.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” I asked, slinging back my drink, the bite of the whiskey burning it’s way down to my stomach.

“I saw you talking to Antonio earlier. I just thought…”

“That maybe I would be pissed that our town is being overrun by the ex-mafia? Gee, wherever did you get that idea?”

I stared at the poker table, hating these nights. The Cortell wives had organized this, and everyone loved it. And of course, because I was the sheriff, I had to make an appearance. I could send Carter in my place, but then the town would start talking again. I was tired as hell of people constantly talking about me.

“How’s Brody?”

“Same as always,” I mumbled, staring down into my empty glass.

“Does he…does he remember her?”

I shook my head slowly. He was only a year old when we lost her. By now, she was just a figment of his imagination. “He recognizes her in pictures, but he has no memories of her.”

I heard Carter shift beside me. I had become well tuned in with his moods over the past year. He was about to suggest something that I wouldn’t like. I waited, trying to figure out what he would suggest this time.

“You know, maybe you should try talking things out with Josh.”

I nodded with a chuckle. “Yeah, I’ll get right on that. Hey, Josh, I was thinking that maybe the fact that you brought a killer into my town and my wife ended up dead really isn’t all that bad. Friends?”

“That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

“Right, and you wanted something more touchy feely. You thought I would go up to him and tell him he’s still a good person despite the fact that he got my wife killed.”

Carter sighed beside me. “You know he’s not responsible. Deep down, you know he never would have done anything to hurt Natalie. He was your best friend.”

I snorted in amusement. “I wouldn’t take it that far.”

He stalked around in front of me, crossing his arms over his chest. “And how exactly would you put it? And don’t fucking lie to me. I know how hard you worked to find him after he disappeared. I know you spent every night pouring over the evidence, trying to figure out what you were missing.”

“Because he was a missing person,” I hissed, already irritated with this conversation. “I did what I would have done for any other person from this town.”

“Right, and the fact that you called in every favor possible, got as many departments involved as you could to help, had nothing to do with the fact that your friend was missing.”

I looked at the ground and sighed. “What more do you want me to say?” I asked quietly. “I can’t forgive him. Not yet.”

“You have to try. This is eating you up inside. Every minute that you live like this is hurting Brody.”

My head snapped up and I glared at him. “Don’t give me that bullshit. Don’t put this on me.”

“Then who do I put it on? Brody is your kid. You’re all he has, but you’re too wrapped up in your hatred to start living again.”

“Living like what?” I asked incredulously. “What kind of life do you think I have? I work and then I go home to my son. I am the sole parent that asks him about his day, that makes his food and gives him baths. I read him stories and put him to bed. That’s my life,” I hissed. “There’s no one to kiss goodnight or hold in my arms. I go to bed alone every single night, and the next morning I wake up and do it all over again.”

“And you have Brody,” he insisted.

I scrubbed a hand over my face and sighed. “And I’m grateful for that. Believe me, it would have killed me to lose them both. But that doesn’t make this any easier. He’s a constant reminder of her.”

“I know, man. I get it. And I’m not asking you to forgive Josh or even become friends with him. I’m saying, maybe you should talk to him a little. This is killing you, but it’s killing him too. You know he feels responsible.”

I glanced back over at the table, wanting to tell Carter that Josh should feel responsible. But like every time I looked at Josh, I didn’t see the same man I once knew. He had changed. His time on the run had made him harder, and even as he sat here among his brothers, I could see the sadness in his eyes. 

Turning back to the bar, I ordered another drink and swallowed it down. I didn’t want to think about Josh and his precious family. I didn’t want to think about what had been taken from him. Deep down, I knew that seven years of his life had been stripped away. I couldn’t imagine what that was like. But I also didn’t want to admit that it could be just as hard as losing my wife. He’d lost his family for seven years. He couldn’t talk to them or even let them know he was alive. I didn’t want to think about what that had done to him, because then I would have to admit that I wasn’t the only one that lost something. And that would make me an asshole.

✯✯✯✯✯

Driving through town after dropping off Brody, I found myself in front of Josh’s garage. I parked across the street and just stared at the bay doors, trying to figure out what the hell I was doing here. I didn’t owe Josh anything. There was no reason I should go talk to him. But I was here, and there had to be a reason for that.

I ran my hand over my mouth, trying to decide what to do. I looked through the window of the office, watching as his daughter ran around inside. Carly was sitting at the desk, working as his secretary. I knew that a lot of the town still supported him, but I also knew there were a lot of people that were wary to get involved in any way with them, which made it difficult to find child care. Carly was due soon. They’d have two little ones with no one to watch their kids. I knew his brothers and sisters-in-law helped out where they could, but it wasn’t like they could all just take over. 

If I walked in there, if I showed that I could talk to Josh again, maybe even…hell, shake his hand…maybe people would stop worrying about him so much. Logically, I didn’t think there was a threat against anyone in our town because of Carly and Josh living here. Antonio, on the other hand, was still questionable. I wasn’t sure how he’d gotten away or why he’d chosen to come live here, but he had. I’d even called in a few contacts at the FBI when he arrived in town. No one was interested in Antonio Scavuzzo. As far as they were concerned, the Scavuzzo Family was dead, and not their problem anymore.

I shoved the door open before I could think better of it and strode across the street. I was focused only on entering the garage. I remembered coming here before Josh disappeared, when he was still in his early twenties and trying to prove himself. Now he ran the damn place. 

I stood just inside the bay doors, wondering what the hell I was going to do now. Josh was bent over, working under the hood of a car. He hadn’t seen me yet, so I could walk out of here without him ever knowing that I came. As if sensing someone was in the room, he stiffened, his hand reaching for the wrench on the engine block slowly, as if he thought whoever was in the room was a threat. I watched his movements, looking at the way he prepared for a fight, but when he finally glanced up at me, the tension in his shoulders relaxed momentarily. 

He stood up, pulling out a rag out of his back pocket and wiping off his hands. “I was wondering when you would come by.”

I inclined my head just slightly. “Yeah? Why’s that?”

He laughed humorlessly. “Well, you’ve dragged all my brothers into your cell for anything from jaywalking to suspected kidnapping. I figured you were waiting for the big buildup.”

It was true. I had taken all my frustrations out on his brothers, but never once came near him or his family. I still hadn’t figured out why. Maybe because that meant I had to deal with my shit.

“So, what’s it going to be? Are you here to pin a murder on me or something?”

He glanced toward the office, shaking his head slightly at whom I could only assume was Carly. In that moment, I’d never felt more like a piece of shit. His brothers all took my harassment in stride, though they should have done something about me a long time ago. Yet the idea that Josh would think I would pin a murder on him really hit me hard. That wasn’t the man I was.

“No,” I finally spoke up. 

“Let me guess, you found out something I did while on the run, and you’re here to drag me in.” He glanced off to the side, sighing slightly. “I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it. I mean, when I came back and asked for your help, I did pretty much tell you every crime I committed on the run. I always knew it would come back to bite me.”

It was true, he’d given me a lot of ammunition against him, but I’d never once thought of using it against him. I was angry, pissed that my life had been ripped apart, but it had never crossed my mind to do the same to him. I wanted him to know what it was like to suffer. I just didn’t want to be the one to inflict that kind of pain on him.

“So, you didn’t think of bringing Corduroy with you?”

“I’m not here to arrest you,” I said, my voice coming out gruff and low.

“Yeah? Then you came to chat? You don’t like my new brother-in-law and you want all the dirt you can get on him?”

I shook my head. As much as I hated Antonio, I wasn’t here for him either. In fact, the last thing I wanted to do was talk about Antonio.

“Then why the fuck are you here, Jack?” he spat, finally losing his temper on me.

I just stared at him, still trying to figure that out. And then something strange happened. I saw Natalie’s face, heard her laugh and felt her hug me that last day at Eric’s house. Except this time, I didn’t feel anger inside me. I didn’t want to rush forward and strangle the man that stood before me. I felt…peace, or something like it. 

Tears filled my eyes as I stared at my former best friend, and for the first time, I thought about what Natalie would think of what I had become. She would be so disappointed in me. She liked Josh. She wanted me to help him.

I pulled up to my house after spending all night at Eric’s house, getting the shock of my life. The man I thought was dead had stood in front of me. He was older, had a wife and kid, and he was alive. I shook my head as I chuckled, walking inside my house. I never thought I would see the day that Josh returned to this town. He had disappeared without a trace, and then he was back. The mess he had gotten himself into wasn’t his fault. It was pure coincidence, but now he needed help.

“Hey, babe,” Natalie smiled at me. “You snuck out in the middle of the night.”

Taking off my hat, I ran my hand through my hair and let out a laugh. “Yeah, it was crazy.”

“So, what happened?” She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me into her body. “Was there a car chase from a bank robbery?”

I gave her a funny look and smiled. “A bank robbery in the middle of the night?”

She shrugged. “Everyone always robs banks during the day. It only seems right someone should do it during the night when no one will catch them.”

“So, you’re advocating for bank robbers now.”

She grinned up at me, kissing me on the mouth. “I advocate for anything that keeps you in bed with me at night.”

I grunted, kissing her deeper. Pulling back, I finally let her in on my late night escape. “Do you remember Josh Cortell?”

“Of course. How could I forget about your best friend that went missing?”

I shrugged slightly. “It’s been a while…”

“I just assumed you had moved past it.”

“I had, but he showed up tonight.”

Her jaw dropped in shock. “You’re kidding.”

I laughed, still unable to believe it myself. “Not at all. He showed up with a wife and kid.”

“Wait,” she frowned. “He just left his family for a woman?”

“Not exactly. He got wrapped up in something inadvertently the morning he disappeared. He didn’t have a choice to leave. His wife…she’s part of a crime family, but she didn’t want to be. She faked her death and had been on the run, but when she came across Josh, she thought he was trying to kill her.”

“Josh,” she said slowly. “Somehow I can’t see any of the Cortell brothers killing anyone.”

“Well, you haven’t met Derek,” I grinned. “He’s former military.”

She shook her head. “Wait, so what made them show up last night?”

“Someone found them. I guess when Josh ran into her seven years ago, whoever was after her thought he was involved with her. He just stopped to help her change her tire. Then he was running for his life. He didn’t want anyone going after his family, so he just disappeared. But about a year ago, someone found where they were hiding and came after them. Josh just barely survived, and while they were hiding out, Carly got pregnant. They have a little girl now.”

She gripped my forearm hard. “Jack, you have to help them.”

“I’m going to.”

She shook her head. “I can’t imagine how terrified they must be for their child. What are you going to do?”

I sighed, running my hand over my face. “Well, Derek just got in this morning. I’ll head back over there in a little bit and see what I can do to help. Derek will keep them safe while they figure out a way to end all this.”

She pressed her hand to my cheek, smiling up at me. “You’re a good man, Jack. I know you’ll do whatever you can to help.”

“You have such faith in me.”

“Because I know if it was Brody, you would do whatever you could to protect him.”

“Jack,” Josh said, staring at me strangely. “Are you okay?”

I nodded, blinking to clear the tears from my eyes. “She wanted me to help you,” I croaked out, my throat feeling like it was closing up.

He frowned at me. “Natalie?”

“She…she said she knew I would help you because I was a good man.” I laughed slightly. I didn’t feel like such a good man right now. “She said she knew I would do anything to protect Brody.” I finally looked at him again, feeling ashamed that it had taken me this long to come talk to him. “I know it wasn’t your fault that she died, and she wouldn’t have wanted me to blame you.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. The last thing he probably expected this morning was for me to show up and start spewing this shit to him.

“I’m not saying I’m past it or that I…” I looked down and sighed, not even sure what to say. “And with Carly’s brother here—” I gritted my teeth, forcing myself not to start any shit about him. “It’s going to take me some time.”

He walked slowly toward me, like I would bolt at any second. He didn’t look at me with hate anymore. After the way I treated him and his brothers, he had every reason to hate me. Now, he just looked sad.

“For what it’s worth, I would have traded places with her in an instant. I never would have stayed if I thought you would get dragged into our shit.”

“I know.”

Not knowing what else to say, I turned and walked out of the garage. It didn’t really feel like I’d resolved anything, but I didn’t feel so filled with hate either. It would take me a long time to look at Josh and not see Natalie bleeding out on the floor of the barn, but hopefully with time, I could move past it. Carter was right, living with this hate wasn’t good for Brody.