Giulia: Hello, Florrie. It’s so nice of you to join me.
Florrie: Bite me.
Giulia: You know, I’m sensing a theme that you guys don’t like to do these interviews.
Florrie: Would you like to share your innermost thoughts with the whole world?
Giulia: That’s what you are. 
Florrie: Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.
Giulia: So, Florrie, tell me how you feel now that the story has been concluded.
Florrie: I really feel like punching you in the face for making me go through all that.
Giulia: Yes, well, you kind of brought it on yourself.
Florrie: Why does everyone always assume that I’m the bad guy? I mean, I know that I have a shitty attitude, but I’m a person just like everyone else. I have feelings too. You have no idea how difficult it is to work in my industry and keep up with the guys without looking weak. One tear! That’s all it takes and suddenly you can’t handle the job.
Giulia: I’m sensing some hostility here.
Florrie: Do you know what it’s like to be judged constantly?
Giulia: I have an idea.
Florrie: It’s insane. I’m sorry I’m not like the other women out there. I don’t like to show my emotions and I don’t like people expecting me to act a certain way. Why can’t I just be me?
Giulia: Because you can be a bitch?
Florrie: Again, why is that an issue? Do bitches not deserve love too?
Giulia: I suppose they do. That’s kind of why I wrote your character. Why don’t we move on? How do you view your relationship with Craig and Alec?
Florrie: I don’t have a relationship with Craig.
Giulia: Yeah, you kind of do. I mean, he did show up at your therapy appointments.
Florrie: Because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
Giulia: And then there’s how he connects with you at the end of the book…
Florrie: That’s on him. Look, I get that he’s a little too…involved in our relationship, but it’s not like we’re a threesome. Craig just really cares about us.
Giulia: Maybe a little too much.
Florrie: Well, maybe that’s true. But he’s a good guy. A little stalkerish and crazy, but we all still love him.
Giulia: And does Alec love him too?
Florrie: Nice try. I’m not taking the bait there.
Giulia: So, what can we expect from your relationship with Alec going forward?
Florrie: I would say to expect what you’ve seen so far. I’m probably going to yell at him and he’s going to hate-fuck me against the wall. It’s just how we are.
Giulia: So, you didn’t really grow as a couple.
Florrie: Why do people ask stupid shit like that? You know what? This whole thing is stupid. I’m done talking about this.
Giulia: But the interview isn’t over!
*Florrie gets up and storms out of my head. Why do the characters always do that?

Giulia: Tacos, it’s great to see you. I hope you’re not as prickly as the last person I interviewed.
Tony: You know, if you’re going to call me Tacos, I’m just gonna leave. The nickname is TNT.
Giulia: But is it really?”
Tony: It should be. I’m not fucking Mexican. I’m Italian. We don’t even like tacos!
Giulia: Well, I’m sure you’ll get over that. Tell me, how are things going with you and Molly?
Tony: You mean my stalker?
Giulia: You love her and you know it.
Tony: Hey, don’t give anything away. Leave something for the readers.
Giulia: Sorry, I’m just so excited about what’s in store for you. We really get a good look at the team dynamics in this book.
Tony: If you want to call it that. We’re kind of a mess.
Giulia: Well, it could be worse.
Tony: Really? Tell me how it could be worse.
Giulia: Um…I could have killed you off.
Tony: I don’t think your readers would have liked that.
Giulia: No, but if they had to sit down with you, they would probably want to kill you also.
Tony: Not possible. Have you seen my video trailer? I’m Tony-fucking-tacos.
Giulia: Ha! You admit it!
Tony: No! I mean, I’m TNT. I’m dynamite!
Giulia: It’s too late! You already said the words. No takebacks.
Tony: Giulia, you forget that I know how to kill someone and leave no evidence behind.
Giulia: Yeah? You forget that you live in my head, and even if you tried to kill me, you couldn’t actually do it.
Tony: But if I live in your head, I can manipulate the stories. You don’t actually have as much control as you think. While you’re typing, we’re inside your head, guiding the story the way we want it to go.
Giulia: If that’s true, then why do you still get called Tony Tacos?
*crickets*
Tony: Look, I can’t control all your thoughts. There are other people in there, and occasionally I lose out.
Giulia: Well, I don’t think you’re going to lose out with Molly.
Tony: I guess you’ll have to read the damn book to find out. Just remember, it’s TNT. If any of your readers keep calling me Tacos, you and I are going to have some serious words.
Giulia: Ooh, I’m really scared. Are you going to smother me with tacos in my sleep?
Tony: You know, Giulia, one of these days, I’m not going to be in your head anymore, and you’re going to really miss me. I hope you remember that in the future.

Coop: Thanks, Giulia. I really fucking hate being here today, but Cap made me do it.

Giulia: Well, since I wrote your character, you really have no choice in the matter.
Coop: Yeah, I really appreciate that. *eye roll*
Giulia: So, Coop, how are things going with Becky now? Do I hear wedding bells in the future?
Coop: Yeah, but you’re not invited.
Giulia: That makes me kind of sad.
Coop: Yeah, I’m in tears over here.
Giulia: Will Hunter be officiating?
Coop: That’s highly unlikely. You’ve seen the way he fucks up a ceremony.
Giulia: But it’s tradition…
Coop: So is Christmas, but not everyone celebrates.
Giulia: Okay then. So, how do you feel about your entire life being put on display for all these readers?
Coop: Yeah, that’s another thing I want to talk to you about. I didn’t ask for you to talk about all the shit I’ve been through.
Giulia: Well, if I didn’t talk about it, nobody would be reading my books, and then you wouldn’t exist. In fact, you all threatened to come to my house and convince me to not kill any of you off. I have the pages that were written by one of my readers.
Coop: Can you blame us for wanting to stay alive? 
Giulia: Exactly my point. So, if you want to stay relevant at Reed Security, you’re going to have to open up and tell us all about how you’re feeling. Now’s your chance.
Coop: Look, I’m not gonna grab a Shirley Temple and tell you all about how I’m feeling. I’m pretty sure we’ve already done this in the book. If you want to know what happens, read the fucking book. I don’t really need to rehash my assholery with all of you here today.
Giulia: Speaking of which, I have one last question, Coop.
Coop: I’m on the edge of my seat.
Giulia: So, this new bromance with Chance, are we going to see more of this in future books?
Coop: First of all, there’s no bromance with Chance-
Giulia: You had drinks.
Coop: Guys drink together all the time.
Giulia: He had a Shirley Temple.
Coop: It doesn’t fucking matter what he drank! There’s no bromance. We sat and talked shit out. End of story.
Giulia: I think the readers are going to be pretty disappointed by that.
Coop: Do I look like I give a fuck?
Giulia: Right, you’re looking a little testy right now.
Coop: You think?
Giulia: Let’s leave it here. I think your book will actually make you look better than you do in this interview.
Coop: Thank fucking God. So, I can leave now?
Giulia: Well, you won’t get far. You are in my head.
Coop gets up and walks to another corner of my mind, slamming the imaginary door…