Chapter 1

7 years ago…

“Your father needs some eggnog, so I need you to stop at the store on the way home,” Mom rambled as she hurried around the kitchen.

“I won’t have time tonight, Mom. I have that date.”

“It’s one small pint of eggnog. You can’t stop on the way home and get it?”

“I’ll barely have time as it is. And you know how bad traffic is at that time of day.”

“I don’t see why you can’t do this one thing for your mother. After I gave birth to you and took care of you for eighteen years, you can’t do this one small thing for me?”

I rolled my eyes. I didn’t even live at home. I stopped over here to drop off a package, something my mom asked me to order because she didn’t trust her credit card information online. There was so much fraud on the internet, and your life could go up in smoke in a flash if someone got their hands on your information. However, she didn’t mind if I chose to make purchases online. It made her life easier.

“Mom, I can’t do it.”

She tossed her hands up in the air dramatically. “Fine! I’ll go out in the rain and risk my life for your father’s eggnog! It’s no big deal. I might die, but it’ll be worth saving you the extra five minutes at the end of your busy day!”

My mom had one of those annoyingly loud voices that reminded me of George Castanza’s mom. And my father, unfortunately, was just like George’s father. I wasn’t sure how I hit the jackpot on that one. Every time I came over here, I got a guilt trip and a list of things I needed to do for them. 

“Alright, alright!” I screamed, just to get her to shut up. “I’ll pick up the damn eggnog.”

“Was that so hard? It’s like you don’t even love your parents. All we ask is for you to do these small things for us every now and then.”

Except, it wasn’t every now and then. It was every day, and they didn’t just ask for my help for themselves. They constantly volunteered my services to anyone who passed them on the street. They knew everyone in town, so people actually came to them, asking for me to help out. I had to get away. I was tired of being used by everyone in sight.

“Could you also pick up some dinner on your way home?” she asked as I headed for the door.

I sighed and kept walking. I didn’t even bother to answer as the door slammed behind me. I hurried into work, hoping to finish my work early, so I could leave early, so I could get to the damn store and still have time to get ready for my date. Unfortunately, my day was filled with everyone at the office asking me to do something for them. I was being considered for a big job, and I desperately wanted to take it. I told them I’d have to think about it. After all, I would be leaving all my family and friends behind, along with a work environment I already knew so well. 

“Quinn! I need you to check with the office in Oregon and get the final details of my trip,” Carmen snapped as she peeked into my cubicle.

“I have my own things to finish up and—”

“But you always have time. Please! I’m barely able to get my work done.”

“I have to leave early today and—”

“It’ll only take five minutes,” she said as she hurried off in a flurry of winter boots and a puffer jacket. The woman dressed like she was always headed to a frozen tundra.

I sighed and quickly dialed the office in Oregon. There was no way I would make it out of here early today. My boss had already called me in for an emergency meeting, and the team I would potentially be leaving with wanted to discuss plans for the trip. 

I hurried through the rest of my day, leaving two hours after I had hoped. I got stuck in the worst traffic ever, a car caught on fire in the middle of the street right in front of the supermarket in town, and I nearly slid into a fire hydrant after hitting a patch of ice.

By the time I found a parking spot and ran into the grocery store, I was so angry that I called my date and canceled. I knew I would be terrible company. I marched down the aisle to the refrigerated section and grabbed four eggnogs just so I wouldn’t be sent out again tomorrow for more. When I turned, my arch-nemesis from high school stood smirking at me. 

“Can I help you, Cammie?”

“Oh, I was just standing here thinking about poor Quinn. Still running errands for your parents, I see.”

 Everyone in town knew of my father’s obsession with eggnog. He practically ranted and raved about it every chance he got, and when the holiday season was over, he griped even more because he couldn’t get his hands on it. 

“Well, some of us aren’t selfish brats,” I said as I shoved past her.

“You know they’ll walk all over you until you stand up to them.”

I was about to walk away when I realized she was right. I let everyone in my life order me around. The more someone got to know me, the easier it was for them to push into my life and weasel sympathy out of me. I was a pushover, plain and simple. I didn’t know how to say no to people. I hated confrontation, and I hated letting people down. 

“You’re right, Cammie,” I said with a grin. “Thanks for pointing it out.”

I turned on my heel and marched toward the checkout line. I would not be pushed around any longer. It didn’t matter who it was or what they needed. I was going to start living for me. I glanced down at the four eggnogs and shrugged. I was already here. I might as well get them.

I drove to my parents’ house and marched inside, ready to tell them off. But as soon as I walked in the door, I lost my nerve. 

“What took you so long?” my mom started yelling. “I’ve been waiting for two hours. Your father hasn’t stopped griping about his stupid eggnog! You have no idea what it’s like to listen to it over and over again. When you get married, I’m coming to live with you just so I can get away from it.”

“Actually, I’m…” 

Quick, come up with something snappy to say! Tell them you won’t be helping them anymore, that you refuse to be a cog in their wheel any longer. Just do it!

But as I stood there staring at my mother, my nerve failed me. All confidence gone, I went for the next easiest thing. “I’m moving to Florida.”

“What?” my mother screeched. “You’re moving to Florida? Why would you want to live there? They have hurricanes and alligators. Do you want me to read about your death after you’ve been torn apart by their sharp teeth? Do you know they drag you to the bottom of the lake and drown you? Is that how you want me to read about you dying?” she shouted.

“I’ve been reassigned,” I lied. “I don’t have a choice in it. Besides, this will be a good change for me.”

At least that much was true.

“I can’t believe you would leave us like this. Don’t you care at all?”

I did care. That’s why I lied about being reassigned. Yes, I’d decided to move to a different state just to escape them, but sometimes a girl had to take drastic measures. And I didn’t regret it one bit.

✯

5 years ago…

 “Gary,” I whisper-hissed into the phone, afraid my boyfriend would hear me in the other room. Gary was my new boss, and I was in desperate need of his services right now.

“Quinn? Why are you calling so late?”

“I need you to get me out.”

“Get you out? What are you talking about? What happened?”

I glanced toward the door in a state of near panic. “It’s my boyfriend. He wants me to move in with him!”

The line was silent for a moment. “Okay,” he said slowly. “How can I help?”

“I need you to move me.”

“Sorry, what?”

I sighed in frustration. This was not a complex concept to wrap your head around. “He’s getting clingy. He always wants me to spend every last minute with him, and now he wants me to move in with him. Do you know what that means for me?”

“Um…marriage?”

“Yes! And I do not want to marry him!”

“Then why don’t you just tell him that?”

“Because then he’ll start crying, and I’ll give in. I’m telling you, if you don’t move me to another location, I’ll end up married with three kids, and I’ll hate my life!”

“Let me get this straight. You would rather move away—”

“Preferably something cold with absolutely no other job prospects,” I cut in.

“Uh-huh. You would rather move away somewhere cold than tell your boyfriend you can’t see him anymore.”

Well, when he put it that way… “Yes, that’s exactly what I want you to do.”

“Quinn, this sounds insane.”

I started whining, feeling like the walls were closing in on me. “Gary, you have no idea how bad I need this. I’m terrible with confrontation. I don’t know how to handle it, and I always give in. I can’t marry this guy! We’re nothing alike, and he seems to think I like rugby.”

“Why does he think that?”

“Because I was trying to be agreeable,” I snapped. “It was a moment of weakness.”

“Why didn’t you just tell him you didn’t like it?”

“Because I was trying to be flirty, and I really needed to get laid.”

“Way too much information, Quinn.”

“Please, Gary,” I pleaded. “I’m desperate.”

He sighed heavily on the other end of the phone. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do. I was going to send Aaron to Duluth, but I guess I can send you. I’m sure he won’t be too disappointed.”

I squealed in delight, then slapped my hand over my mouth so I wasn’t overheard. “Thank you so much, Gary. I could kiss you right now.”

“Please don’t.”

I hung up and schooled my features so Mr. Moves Too Fast wouldn’t see the glee on my face. I walked to the door and opened it, walking out with a solemn expression on my face. 

“Hey, babe,” he grinned. “So, when will you be moving in?”

“Actually, babe, I’m not going to be able to. That was my boss on the phone. He needs me in Duluth immediately.”

“Like…Minnesota?”

The stricken look on his face almost made me feel bad for lying to him. Almost. I just couldn’t handle one more minute of listening to him ramble on about football, and if we moved in together, I would have to sit through Sunday football games, and listen to podcasts about the sport. No, this was the right thing to do, no matter how much I felt like a weasel for convincing my boss to move me to a new location.

“Maybe I could go with you,” he said hopefully. “They have football in Minnesota.”

Panic filled me. Excuse after excuse flittered through my brain, but none of them seemed sufficient. But then he rescued me.

“It is awfully cold there, though,” he said with a wince. “Honestly, I’m not sure I could handle the cold after living in Florida for so long.”

I nodded solemnly. “I understand. It’s a big adjustment. If it weren’t for my job, I would stay right here with you.”

“We could do the long-distance thing,” he said hopefully. “I’ve always wanted to try out phone sex.”

I cringed internally thinking about carrying this out for any longer. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. It sounds like this could be a really long assignment, and you’d just be waiting around for me for months on end. I couldn’t do that to you.” I walked over to him and wrapped him in a hug. “You’ll find someone that can be here with you all the time.”

“How about one last romp in the sheets?”

I pulled back quickly. “Actually, I have to take the red-eye tonight. Gotta get home and pack.” I snagged my purse off the couch and bolted for the door. “Best of luck!” I shouted as I let the door swing shut behind me. 

I sagged in relief and thanked my lucky stars for a boss like Gary. That was a close one.

✯

4 years ago…

“Gary!” I hissed into the phone.

I heard him grumbling over the phone, probably checking to see what ungodly hour it was. “Quinn?”

“Who else would be calling you at this hour?”

“I really hope there’s some new volcano you discovered in Minnesota.”

“Really?” I asked, with only a touch of sarcasm in my voice.

“What is it this time? Things not working out with Brian?”

I hated that after working for him for only two years, he already knew me so well. He told me this would happen when I informed him that I was in love with someone and would consider staying in Minnesota for the duration of my career. He laughed and said he gave it a month. That was one week ago.

“I need to—”

“Be relocated. Yep, I’ve already got the paperwork started.”

“Already?”

He snorted. “When you said you were in love, I knew that was it. It was a good run, but Minnesota couldn’t hold you forever.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to be here. I could have had something good with Brian.”

“But?”

I tiptoed to the bedroom door and peeked into the living room where Brian was sleeping on the couch with a bowl of popcorn spilling onto the floor. The cup of coke in his hand was on the verge of tipping over.

“But I met his family tonight.”

“And?”

“And when I showed up at their house, his dad was walking around in his boxers!” I hissed. “Can you believe that?”

“It’s his house.”

“But he knew I was coming over. He has this big beer belly, and it was all hanging out. He didn’t even care!”

“Well…some people are like that.”

“Yes, but then we came home, and Brian immediately stripped out of his clothes and sat on the couch in his underwear. It became alarmingly clear to me that he’s just like this father! I can’t marry a man that will walk around in his underwear in front of guests!”

“So, you want another transfer, I’m guessing.”

“Yes,” I said desperately.

“Well, I knew it wouldn’t last long. I was just waiting for you to call.”

“There’s no need to rub it in,” I grumbled. “Where am I going to this time?”

“Tennessee.”

“Tennessee?” I asked, cringing slightly.

“Yes, Tennessee, and if you don’t like it, I can leave you in Minnesota. I’m sure you’ll figure out some way to leave behind the potential beer belly.”

“I’ll take it!” I practically screamed.

He chuckled over the phone. “I’ll send over your flight information in the morning.”

✯

3 years ago…

“You’re not even dating anyone,” Gary yawned when he answered my call at three in the morning.

“I know, but I need—”

“To move. Yes, I figured that. You know, you’re the only one of my employees that calls me in the middle of the night.”

“But you don’t mind.”

“My brain hurts when I talk to you. Do you know that?”

“You love me because I’m the only person willing to move at the drop of a hat.”

“You’re the only employee that needs to be moved once a year. Have you ever considered staying just a tad longer?”

“I would, but that’s about the time somebody in my life starts getting too needy. I can’t handle the pressure. I’d snap like a twig.”

“And who is it this time?”

The loud pounding on the door made me cringe. I was hiding out in my living room like a frightened kid. It was seriously pathetic, but if I opened that door, I’d take one look at those baby blues and give in.

“My neighbor. She has a baby, and whenever she gets called in to work the night shift, she asks me to watch her child.”

“So tell her no.”

“I tried that! She shoved the baby at me and told me that if I didn’t help her out, she’d lose her job, and then I would be responsible for the baby starving to death. I can’t have that kind of guilt on my shoulders!”

“You realize that you’re doing the same thing by moving.”

“Are you on her side or mine?” I seethed.

“Yours, of course. I’m just stating the obvious.”

“Yes, but if I move, she can’t guilt me anymore. This is why I never stay anywhere too long. People start wanting you to do things, to go places—”

“To be social?”

“Hey, there is nothing wrong with wanting to stay in and read a book. Besides, I wouldn’t be so antisocial if my friends didn’t start taking advantage. You know, you go for coffee one time, and suddenly you’re expected to have a standing coffee date! That’s a commitment I just can’t make at this stage in my life.”

“And why is that?”

“Because it leads to other things!” I practically screamed.

“Quinn! I know you’re in there!” my neighbor pounded at the door.

“Oh God, she knows I’m in here,” I whispered into the phone.

“Of course she does,” Gary chuckled. “If you always answer the door, she’ll always know you’re home.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“How about you just don’t answer the door?”

“Quinn!” my neighbor shouted. “I have a shift! I need you to watch the kid!”

“She calls her baby ‘the kid’,” I whispered. “Who does that?”

“If you don’t watch her, I’ll get fired and lose my job. Is that what you want?”

I worried my lip between my teeth. I couldn’t handle the pressure. The thought of the baby starving all because I refused to answer the door built up inside until I was ready to explode.

The banging continued until I lost it and ran for the door, flinging it open. She shot me an annoyed look and handed her baby over to me. “Thanks, now I’m running late. You could have gotten here a little sooner.”

“I—”

“I won’t be home until tomorrow night.”

“What?” I asked, following her into the hallway as she walked away. “But I have to work!”

“So do I,” she shouted over her shoulder.

I watched her walk away and then carried the baby inside, shifting her on my hip. “Quinn!”

I hurried over and grabbed the phone I’d haphazardly tossed on the counter as I ran for the door. “Gary?”

“I’ll get you on the first flight out tomorrow.”

“Thanks.”

“You know, one of these days, I won’t be able to get you out of a situation like this. You’re going to have to grow a backbone and tell people no.”

The thought filled me with horror.

✯

1 1/2 years ago…

Meghan: I need you to come on a double date on Wednesday night.

Me: I can’t. I have to work the next day, and this week has been challenging.

Meghan: Please! I need this so badly.

Me: I really don’t feel like going out.

Meghan: I never ask you for anything. 

Me: Actually, you ask me all the time.

Meghan: I thought we were friends.

I tossed my phone on the bed and ignored her. I was getting better at this whole Putting me first thing. I could hold out much longer than usual before I eventually caved. It was a good feeling, even if I still gave in. 

My phone beeped again with another text, but I refused to look at it. I flipped the page of my Geology magazine and refused to look. My phone dinged again, but I still ignored it, only half looking up when it went off for the third time. I would not answer the phone. I would not give in and let her push me around. I was strong.

My phone rang this time. Damn, she was persistent. I flipped another page and ignored the phone. When it stopped, I breathed a sigh of relief, only to scream when she called right back. I knew this wouldn’t stop until I answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Please, please, please,” she begged. “I need you with me.”

“Meghan, I’m tired. I really don’t want to go on a date.”

“But this is different. He’ll bring someone good.”

“How do you know that? He might ask his poor friend who looks like a troll, just hoping someone takes pity on him.”

“I doubt he has any troll friends. Please,” she begged and whined. I couldn’t take it. Why did people have to do this? We had such a good relationship. I explained to her my boundaries, that I didn’t like to go out a lot, and that I hated feeling forced into doing things. Then I went to one concert with her, just to have some fun, and ever since then, I couldn’t get her to stop asking me to do things. No matter how often I told her no, she just kept asking. And eventually, I gave in, going with her to lunch when I was way too busy, or having a girls’ day even though I hated shopping. It was all downhill from there. She never stopped asking, and I was feeling the itch again.

I needed to move.

“I really can’t. I’m moving.”

“You’re what?” she screeched. “When were you going to tell me this?”

“Oh, did I forget to mention it? Yeah, my boss called me last week. Another geologist is…going home to take care of his mother.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, she’s really sick. Bad hip.”

“A bad hip is not the same as being sick.”

“Right, but…” Crap, I sucked at lying. “Uh…she has a bad heart, and the hip only exacerbates the situation…because it takes her so long to move around.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t?” I asked, worried that my whole plan was falling apart.

“This is because of Elias, isn’t it?”

I frowned, not understanding her meaning. “Um…”

“It’s okay. I know it’s been hard ever since you broke up with him. It’s okay to want to move on.”

My eyes widened as I realized she was solving all my problems. “Yes!” I shouted, wincing at the excitement in my voice. “I mean, yes,” I said more solemnly. “I wish I could just move on, but it’s too hard being here.”

“Sweetie, I know. It’s okay.”

“It is?”

“Of course. I understand that you need to get a new perspective.”

“I do?”

“Hey, we all go through it. But you’re still coming with me on Wednesday, right?”

Well, crap. I couldn’t get out of it now. “I’ll be there.”

I hung up and immediately dialed Gary’s number. “Quinn, why is it that I speak to you more than any other employee?”

“Because I love you so much?”

He sighed heavily. “Who was it this time?”

“Meghan.”

“Ah, yes, I thought she might become a problem. What happened?”

“She asked me to go on a double date.”

“Ooh, yeah, I can see how that would bother you.”

“So, do you have someplace for me to go?”

“I’ll figure something out.”

“Thank you, Gary. What would I do without you?”

“Find a therapist?”